Sticks and Stones

“Researchers have shown that hurt feelings from words affect the same area in the brain – the cingulate gyrus – as a broken bone or physical injury.” Dr. Caroline Leaf

Most of us have probably been at one end or the other of the chant, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Brave words usually shouted as a shield against the sting of verbal insult.

The truth is words have more power to hurt than any stick or stone ever could.

Who among us doesn’t have a deep wound from words – words sometimes hurled at us with deliberate venom and other times words casually tossed our direction without thought of their destructive force. Words used to judge, diminish or to dismiss us altogether.

Words have the power to influence our perceptions of both ourselves and others. That in turn, impacts how we respond to others, how we treat them, whether or not we include or exclude them, and if we judge them as worthy or unworthy of our time, energy, resources and compassion.

What comes to mind when you hear words like: prostitute, hooker, pimp or stripper? What thoughts go through your mind when you read or see a news story about a strip club or spa being busted for prostitution? What does your heart feel when you see mug shots of those arrested for prostitution?

Do you allow the words to create an “us and them” gap in your mind and heart? If we equate words such as prostitute or stripper with dismissive, negative words, thoughts and images, we begin to increase the gap in our minds and hearts between “us” and “them”. We can begin to convince ourselves that we are “good” and they are “bad”. We can further convince ourselves that they deserve this life they’re in, and even that they chose this life. We essentially dehumanize them, which results in a disconnection of feeling any responsibility to them or their situation.

Or, perhaps you fall into the trap of pop culture and use phrases like, “that’s so pimp” and shrug off music lyrics that objectify sex and women. We can allow all of this to permeate our lives and desensitize us to the truth, making it that much easier to turn a blind eye to their plight. By normalizing this mindset and culture, we diminish the true consequences of pimping and objectifying both men and women.

But, if we fail to see their humanity, if we fail to see precious humans trapped in a nightmare, we diminish our own humanity as well. We need to adjust our words so our perspective will shift.

If, instead, we begin to use words like: victim, exploited, trapped, hurting, and lost, we begin to understand their true circumstance. It has been said that no child ever dreams that one day they will grow up to be a stripper or prostitute. They have landed in a nightmare and we are charged with giving them a chance to dream again.

And if we begin to use words like: valued, beloved, cherished, precious daughters (and sons) of the Most High God, we begin to remember their true identity. No longer can we think in terms of  “us and them”; there is only “us”, and all of us precious children of God. We are, all of us, in this together.  We are, all of us, of equal value and worth.

Let us then choose our words wisely. Let us speak words of truth and hope and affirmation to those living in the nightmare that they might be reminded of their true identity and once again dare to dream. Let us speak words of exhortation and challenge and encouragement to those of us who have the power to change the nightmare, that we might find the strength, courage and perseverance to do so.

Let us change the world, one word at a time.

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Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. 

Proverbs 16:24 NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

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Scarves for Outreach: Do you knit or crochet? Help us meet our goal of 200 hand-made scarves for our outreach teams to distribute in the fall! We do need them ASAP for our upcoming packing event! Please contact Holly at hkoehler@ameritech.net for more information.

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